Do you ever find yourself saying the strangest things in your classroom?

I’m talking about phrases that you never thought you would say in your life…Certainly not things that they told you about when you were in the teaching credential program.

This post is full of actual things that real teachers have said, often in moments of sheer disbelief or frustration, that just might make you smile.

1. Don’t drink your watercolor water. (Catina S.)
2. Don’t suck the corn juice with your straw. (Tammy P.)
3. I don’t know what’s going on in that boys’ restroom, but I know I won’t be impressed by anything I see when I walk in. (Susan L.)
4. Don’t sharpen your finger. (Robin B.)
5. Who’s barking? (Dawn M.)
6. Please stop petting my leg. (Myranda H.)
7. Pee in the toilet, not the wall. (Anna P.)
8. Get your shoes out of your mouth. (Nicole B.)
9. Stop licking the window. (Aviva W.)
10. Please stop choking him. He doesn’t like it. (Lindsey A.)
11. Why are you talking about farting and tattling when you’re supposed to be doing your morning work. I don’t care to know who’s farting right now. (Jennifer K.)
12. Boys, keep your balls in your hands please. (Lynne P.)
13. Please don’t eat the cotton balls. They are for Santa’s beard, not cotton candy. (Kathy S.)
14. Stop doing belly spins on your desk. (Mary H.)
15. Don’t lick your neighbor’s computer. (Trish V.)
16. Why am I hearing voices? (Kelley R.)
17. Stop making a belt out of duct tape. (Deanna T.)
18. I have to pee also, but we’re taking the FCAT now. Just think about the desert. (Thia T.)
19. Don’t pick his nose…Don’t let him pick your nose. (Keri L.)
20. Did you seriously spray deer urine in my classroom? (Megan H.)
21. Don’t tie your lunchbox to your shoes. (Robyn E.)
22. Is that a frog in your pocket? (Christina G.)
23. No, the eraser can’t be pooped out if it disappears down your nose. (Keri C.)
24. If you’re in the mood to be noisy, please be noisy inside your head. No one out here wants to hear. (Richard L.)
25. Stop dancing on the pole. (Laurie M.)
26. Don’t throw your friends out of the (playhouse) window. (Kristina R.)
27. You need to hold your balls the entire way down the hallway and out to recess, or they will be mine. (Sarah A.)
28. I’m sure giraffes get constipated just like humans do. (Megan B.)
29. First graders, please keep your face to yourself. (Kelly M.)
30. Stop trying to lick your elbow…It’s impossible. (Amy B.)
31. Get your fingers out of your face holes. (Melissa T.)
32. Humans don’t eat plastic. (Michelle F.)
33. We really shouldn’t lick the walls. (Beth B.)
34. We do not drink water out of a sponge. (Cynthia O.)
35. People are not food. (Lorie K.)
36. Pull your shirt down and get off that pole. (Brittany W.)
37. Put the skunk down. (Jessie M.)
38. Your hair is on fire! (Tresa S.)
39. Don’t sit in my trash can. (Elizabeth G,)
40. Don’t lick the monkey bars. (Denise C.)
41. We do not sit on our friends. (Jaymie L.)
42. We only pretend to be ninja warriors with gentle hands. (Jenny H.)
43. We don’t put paper clips in the outlets. (Tori D.)
44. We don’t lick our classmates, nor do we bark at them. (Paula B.)
45. (In shop class) Jimmy, please stop asking people to smell your wood. (Julie C.)
46. Get your shoelaces out of your mouth. (Laurie D.)
47. Please stop showing everybody your armpit hair. (Laura H.)
48. Even if you lick it, you still have to do your homework. (Lacie D.)
49. Only eat food, not rocks. (said by Me)

And…Stop rolling your tomatoes on the floor. (Daphne M.)

Want to hear more hilarious things teachers find themselves saying? Click here to read Stop Punching the Celery!

I’d love to hear some of the weird things you’ve found yourself saying!

Thanks for stopping by!